Time Out!

Ok… I have spent the past few days processing. I also didn’t read anything that either Swan or Jewels had written nor any of the responses until I got home from work this evening. I have a bunch of things to say. Some will read my writing and say “Golly, she sure as hell is no Swan.” And that is fine. We are 2 different people. We share a life. We sometimes share a brain. We do not always agree. And I certainly do not write as eloquently as Swan. I am the “silly” one. I am the one who tries to keep things light. I tend to avoid conflict when humanly possible. This is her blog. These are her thoughts. The place for her to share her heart and to work out things, hopefully with the support of a caring community of friends. I am the planner. I organize. They call me the “social director”. It is what I do and how I handle things.

I knew this past weekend was going to be difficult. Tom has been positively giddy over Jewels. I have been thru’ this before. I remember the nights I was in bed alone while Tom sat for hours online or on the phone with Swan. I remember being dragged along. I remember wishing I could be happier that he was happy. I remember being hurt, angry, frustrated and mostly scared. Swan mentioned somewhere that she feels less secure that me. I knew she would. She shouldn’t, but I knew she would. I know that I have the “law” on my side. But she has the larger chunk of his heart on hers. When things get tough, Swan will stand toe-to-toe and talk things out with Tom…. me? .... I want to go to the “Storage Condo” and crawl under the blankies. But because his heart was so entwined in this, and she has been so scared, they have talked less. There have been more passive-aggressive behaviors on both of their parts. I should know….I have done it, too. Oh, I have heard Tom telling both of us that we have nothing to be worried about. That he loves us with his entire being and I KNOW he means it. But the next breath is “Jewels….” Or then, as with this weekend, something he never did with Swan, he did with Jewels. It is more important to SHOW your love than speak your words. My head will always know that I am important and special and well loved. But if my heart doesn’t get the message, then it is all lost.

Now a little something for all of YOU…. I was here that weekend. I was around the night before “the slap”. I learned of it the following morning from Swan. I listened. I immediately had a 1-on-1 talk with Tom. I explained my concerns. He heard me. And I think that should be that from all of you. If I felt that Swan was being abused, I would be the first one to pack her bags and max a credit card to get her out of town. That was not the situation. And when I do practice discipline, it will not be because someone who hasn’t a clue what my family’s life is like, tells me I should “tag team Tom while he sleeps”! BDSM revolves around SSC and beating someone when they are asleep is a pretty sucky suggestion from a supposed “friend”. And back off of Jewels. She didn't ask for all of you "Holier-Than-Thou" types to treat her like crap. She is a lovely person. She has a heart just like the rest of us. She doesn't deserve your abuse. My Dad always said "Put your mind in gear before you put your mouth in motion. It's not what you say, but how you say it." Well, watch what you say, everyone is fragile right now. Your concern is appreciated. Your ABUSE is not.

We will all work thru’ this in our own ways. We will all be stronger. We will continue to share our lives with those around us that mean the most to all of us. And yes, Jewels and Loki, that means YOU. Tom and Swan used to say that our Clan would move no faster than the slowest member, and then move slower even still. Well, today, we shall more as slow as Swan…..tomorrow it may be as slow as me…. We shall see. But we shall see together. As a Clan with new friends. And anyhoo….I have new recipes!

T