Pathways

There are probably as many different reasons why people do BDSM, as there are people who DO it.

Let a few people get together and get started talking about this, either in person, or in some sort of cyber modality, and you will find that the whys are widely divergent. We surprise each other sometimes and then you get that sort of baffled, almost shocked sound that Jack made in a comment here, a few days back, when he realized that the basis for his thinking and feeling about what he was into was sort of different than maybe mine was...

It is easy to get to sounding that way, especially if you are just going along, doing your thing, not really talking much to other folks. Let's face it, unless you are lucky enough to be wrapped up in a great big, vibrant, healthy and thriving kink community in one of the major metropolitan areas somewhere, odds are that you are pretty much on your own with this stuff -- except if maybe, like us, you might have a few correspondents out here in the blogosphere, or perhaps you write and read on some listservs or the like...

So, what are your reasons for doing what you do? Where did you come from and where does it take you? Where are you headed?

For us there are so many levels, so much history, so much connection, and so much passion.

We surely found each other because of BDSM and Domestic Discipline (DD). Without it, we might never have found each other at all, and the cosmic connection, the karmic connection that we believe has tied us across lifetimes might have not been made -- we might have missed each other this time around. That's a scary thought.

Our M/s forms a structural framework that simplifies and solidifies and defines so much of our life together. In someways, it makes life for us easy and straightforward. There are some things that we just don't have to think about or struggle with. The questions are already answered and the dilemmas just don't come up. He is the Master. I am the slave. When it comes to a point of difference, His wants and desires are the deciding factor.

There is surely the charge that comes from the power exchange; the give and take and balance that we get from playing on the edge of sadomasochistic erotocism. In this, we are well matched. He likes to see me suffer in the ways that He can bring me to hurt, and I can find my own gratification in the loss of control that a descent into pain brings. It is not the pain I crave, but the surrender to His power that He forces me to in the acceptance of that pain... Mine is a convoluted sort of masochism that works for us both in its difficult sort of way.

There is a purely hedonistic sexiness to it all for us. Simply put, there is a lushness to the range of sensations that can be evoked for us in all of the spanking and caning and strapping and tickling and fisting and scratching and paddling and whipping. It is sweaty and sticky and often bloody and downright messy, but there is no doubt at the end of it all that we've truly connected with one another -- no way to remain distant and uninvolved, uncommitted from the act.

I think the other big part of this is that it opens up spirit paths. Leaves us both vulnerable to the larger universe in very real ways. When we play, we are so wild, so elemental, so completely trusting and so open that whatever is going on with us and around us is utterly exposed. We bring all of who we are out of ourselves and lay it bare, for each other. In doing that, we make it available in the world. A good session is empowering, enriching, energizing. We've come off of high-end sessions and soared for days, having transformed ourselves, our surroundings and everything we've seen and touched. The power generated in that reality can truly be amazing. However, the converse can also be true. We really try not to play when we're not good, not strong and well and healthy. We try not to play sick or angry or exhausted. We try not to play impaired mentally or physically. We don't, as a rule, use our SM play as therapy (although we've occasionally used it as a cure for a headache with some success). The fact is that playing at the level we do is simply too much of a soul/spirit risk. It leaves us too raw and too vulnerable. If there are gaps, wounds, leaks, entry points, they are breaches in the spirit. I am entirely too sensitive to ghosts, spirit mischief makers, and any manner of bogeys to leave myself open to their intrusion in that fashion. I don't play with bad juju...

Not everyone is as attuned as we are. Not everyone plays like we do. Not everyone lives the same sort of relationship that we do. Lots of pathways. Lots of ways to do this. Lots of levels. This is some of what makes us the way we are...

swan