Tough start...
Not a good start this morning.
I fussed all night.
He'd talked about putting me in the stocks and using the whip -- and I saw Him falling and me not being able to get lose and not being able to help Him. It scared me terribly. I couldn't sleep.
And I've not been feeling attractive, sexy, pretty. I'm working hard. I'm caring a lot. I'm tender and I'm worried and I'm wanting so much for this to go well. But I'm not feeling much else...
And then the paddling started this morning, and I broke. Sobbing. Struggling. Not able to hold it. Wailing that I wanted to be away from here in this place where I am so foreign...
It was a terrible start to the day...
Sigh...
Then it was time to get breakfast and get cleaned up and get the &)*^&&%^))* compression socks on and get Him to PT. Life goes on even if I am a sucky slave sometimes...
swan Link
posted by Sue @ 9:50 PM
5 comments
5 Comments:
Hi swan, you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. Something happens when we care for our loved ones, there's a mental shift from lover to caregiver and it's difficult to shift back.
I nursed Master through his recovery after nerve replacement surgery. During that time I didn't feel sexy or even sexual. Once he was more like his old self and able to fully care for himself I was able to let go of the caretaker role and become his lover again.
Perhaps you could wait for a scene like the one you describe until T is nearby and can jump in, in the case of emergency?
Take it easy and be gentle with yourself. *hugs*
*hugs* you are not a sucky slave...just a slave with a lot on her plate...please don;t be so hard on yourself darlin!
:) take care!
Hi swan. Ditto what joy, kaylem, and annissa said. Please don't be so hard on yourself. Your love and dedication to your master is an inspiration. We are all here with/for you.
*hugs*
~jewels
I am so grateful for the friendship offered here... for the hands reached across miles to simply offer support. When I began writing here, not entirely willingly, it was largely because there were times when I'd feel dark and lost. Not really because there were real reasons for it. Because I felt the way I felt. The sun would shine, and I would still feel that I could not sense its brightness and its warmth -- not take it into myself. I seem to be in that sort of stretch just now. I know that the lightness will come back. Until that happens, I do appreciate all of you who keep the lights that shine from the harbors...
swan
wow something must be in the air huh? *hugs* I hope that you feel better soon!
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