The Cutting -- A Significant Date for Us
Three years ago today sue and I cemented our M/s relationship with a ceremonial ritual cutting of my initials into her back. At a gathering of our family, and a few friends, I announced that the confluence of life flow that had coalesced to form our family culminated in my releasing from sue’s flesh the marks of my ownership that already existed on her soul. In freeing them to surface on her flesh, we made them visible and known to all. We made it known and visible to all, that she is mine and mine alone, in body, mind, and soul, and that she will be mine for all time, as she always had been until we found each other and recognized our connection which she and I are certain transcends the meager boundaries of this life.
Tom
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you’ve imagined.
Today, July 27th marks the 3rd anniversary of the night that Master did me the honor of placing His initials on my left shoulder blade in a ritual cutting. It was an event that had deep resonance for us all at the time, and one that has continued to be a meaningful link and symbol in our family these years later. Honestly, I remember very little of the actual words He spoke to me that night. I remember His voice reaching something deep in my heart, and I remember holding on to the sound of it with all my strength. I remember my dear sister and friend, T, right there through the intense burning and cutting -- holding my hand and stroking me and crooning soft words to me -- holding me and supporting me, as she has through so many other moments. And I remember shining with joy and wonder and peace and softness, when it was over and He lifted me from the table and held me close.
Cutting is at the edge in terms of BDSM sado/masochistic "play," and there is certainly that element to this cutting. It was, at the time, a stretch of limits and boundaries for me -- a reach that I wanted to make because I was excited to finally be here with Master, and something that I knew He had learned how to do in workshops at BDSM conferences, but hadn't had the opportunity to do "for real" with anyone. I wanted to go there with Him even though, up until that point, one of my limits had been that I wanted to not bleed...
Cutting is also particularly intimate. It breaks the very personal boundary of the skin. It crosses over the line and breaks through to the inside of the person who dwells inside the body. It deals in blood and pain rather than just pain.
For us, this cutting had the additional intention of creating deliberate scarring. I wear the marks that resulted from our ritual that night as most slaves wear their collars. Not all cutting has that as a goal. Sometimes, those who cut mean for the cuts to heal leaving no visible, permanent marks, but we wanted scarring. That desire meant that our venture into cutting was a commitment to increased pain and lengthy discomfort as well as the long-term body modification that would result. Within 24 hours after the cutting was finished, we began a daily routine of scrubbing the cuts with a soft toothbrush and anti-bacterial soap. This irritated the wounds and kept them from healing for much longer than would have otherwise been the case, forcing the keloid scars that we desired. Even after the scars formed, I resisted using the ointments and creams that might have eased the hellish itching that ensued, because most of them would have reduced the scarring along with the itching. The healing scars itched for most of the first year and a half. Even today, if the weather is just right, the cutting can "wake up" and itch wildly -- a reminder that it is still there.
Obviously, such vivid and noticeable marks elicit responses from those that see them. I am cautious about keeping the cutting under wraps in social settings where displaying it would compromise our well-being. There are situations where having Master's initials on display on my back would simply be politically foolish. Some people, upon seeing it are openly curious. Some are horrified (my dermatologist is among this number). A few, especially within the lifestyle are quite taken with it. Generally, if people ask what it is, I simply explain that it is from a ritual cutting. Few ever ask more than that. Scene people, of course understand more clearly...
We made impressions on silk on the night that we made the cuts. Using good quality silk handkerchiefs laid on the fresh wounds, we were able to preserve three imprints of the actual cutting from the very first moments. These we had professionally matted and framed. The finished piece hangs as a treasured memento and deeply meaningful work of art in our bedroom.
So, tonight, in the midst of a quiet place in our lives -- as we recover and recuperate from the much more intense, much less sexy cutting of July 8th, I remember and celebrate the wonder that is this life I am given. I am so very grateful for this day and for this love. Thank you, Sir...
swan
posted by Sue @ 4:33 PM
11 comments
11 Comments:
Thank you for sharing such a special event. Master and I also engage in cutting and much of what you said is SO true. It is a much deeper experience than simply pain.
Happy anniversary to you all! :-)
That's so beautiful.
Hugs to you all.
Just a note of caution.........do not try this at home. I had careful training and practice in the art of cutting. Ritual cutting can be rewarding and meaningful beyond measure, but it is a medically dangerous procedure, and should not be engaged in by anyone who does not know what they are doing.
Thanks for the congratulations jewels and joy:)
All the best:)
Tom
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined.
Searabbit, I'll wirte you privately about this. I'd be afraid anything I might write here might be used as a "manual" by someone who would foolishly think they are ready to attempt this.
My training came in workshops on this technique presented by Deborah Addington at Ohio Leather Fest and Thunder In The Mountains some years past. Deborah's instruction and supervised practice enabled me to do this safely and well.
All the best:)
Tom
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.
I was very surprised to see how large the initials are. I had imagined them as being about an inch high! Their large size left me feeling queasy, for some reason, but that's probably the difference between Tom and me.
I'm also surprised that the silk imprints are still red. Somehow I imagined that blood lost its colour over the years.
I think about the assertion that anyone can belong to someone else exclusively for ever ... I could never make such an assertion; nor could I agree that one person can "own" another. Bodies, personalities, yes; but souls aren't in the business of owning and being owned. Free of this 3-D universe, time and forever have no meaning. Tom and sue both may have other tasks in separate times and places in other lives, separate allegiances and responsibilities - who knows? It's nice to dream of "mine forever", but that dream, like every other dream, like every attachment, must be relinquished eventually. We cannot "enter the kingdom of heaven" without relinquishing all our attachments. That's how I feel about the matter.
This is not to say that sue and Tom's attachment is not a great and wonderful thing, here and now. But sooner or later, love will demand a letting go, as it always must.
Sue has been known to have great fun when reading traditional "DD" (domestic discipline) lists. These lists are generally peopled by folks who aspire to have a domestic discipline relationship someday, that is if, of course, the little lady can somehow screw up her courage enough to tell her husband she'd like him to spank her, and if she could ever get him to pay that much focused attention to her and her well being. These lists, which generally have only about about 10 topics they ever discuss, which they revisit cyclically, with the same authors generally writing the same basic posts over and over decade in and decade out, (kind of like BDSM denial land ground hog day:) inevitably discuss whether or not couples have (or more likely imagine someday having) a written contract as the basis of their DD relationship. There then ensue numerous posts about how many spanks one would get for leaving the cap off the tooth paste tube, or for staying up past bed time, and which kitchen mixing spoon would be used as the disciplinary tool.
Sue will after a while of letting the list follow its course, point out that the language that defines the perameters of our relationship is carved into her back via a ritual cutting. Thus, it is always with her and she never is tempted to in anyway forget it.
Ususally shortly after Sue points this out, there comes to be a long pause in the discussion on the list, or else a few well-meaning Christians will posit that prehaps, if we are lucky enough to see the light, we may someday be prevented from burning in the flames of hell for all eternity.
Often we feel tempted to follow that with an instrcutional piece on fire play but we never have:)
All the best:)
Tom
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined.
joy, jewels, and temptation -- thank you for your kind words and congratulations :-)
Searabbit -- there is so much about the trust that this kind of "play" takes to enter into. I remember that I actually initiated this by purchasing the needed supplies and giving them to Master as a gift. He did not ask it of me. One of the greatest challenges of the whole process, as I recall looking back on it, was finding the scalpel that was required. I actually ended up purchasing it on-line as it was not possible to simply walk into a local retail store and buy it.
Thank you for your interest and your continued friendship and support... :-)
Malcolm -- I wonder what it is about the size of the cutting that generates that sense of queasiness you mention? I know that, when we did this, we discussed it in the sense that His intent was to mark me with His initials. Beyond that, I did not question what He had in mind, and I was somewhat surprised at the size of the actual cutting when it was finished -- not unhappy, but simply amazed. The other thing that I have always been quite fascinated by is the almost ruler straight lines He managed to make. Since He did the work freehand, that seems quite remarkable, unless one credits our sense that He has always had that He merely manifested marks in the flesh that were already in existence in the spirit. That is our sincere belief. I do think the redness of the silks may be to some degree a function of the photo. They are in fact a bit more brown than the image shows.
As to your other "concerns" regarding our views about ownership, that may need to wait for another time. Our thinking there has come to be woven into our lives and our relationship in ways that can't be explained quickly or in a few simple words. Perhaps another post...
swan
what a beautiful entry...and a lovely idea making impressions of the cutting :)
*hugs*
thank you for sharing such a special moment! happy anniversary to you!
sue, about the ruler-straight lines: it's been ny opinion for a long time that every artist puts down on the paper or canvas what he sees in his minds eye. He simply follows the line he sees. The difference between a talented artist and a person without talent is simply that the artist sees clearly without need of media, then uses the media to depict his vision, tracing it, as it were, upon the medium - skin in your case. The non-artist (like myself) simply cannot see clearly without help from physical objects. Perhaps Tom has this artistic flair, if so, does he manifest it in other ways?
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