Changes and Following
When we first came together to live as fulltime M/s partners three years ago, we shared enormous hungers that had been long denied in each of us....
He'd not had a really viable spanking partner that He could count on day to day. T's illness and attendant surgeries, had taken her out of that role, and the occasional friends that had come and gone as casual play partners had not filled the void.
I'd long suppressed my needs and desires for a Dominant spanking partner who would not view that part of my persona as deviant, sick, or wrong. My husband of over 25 years had tried to meet my spanking wants, but was very much NOT into it and left me more unsatisfied than if we'd never explored at all...
Finding each other and having the opportunity to meet our so long suppressed needs with one another unleashed a tidal wave of SM energy that swept us away in the first year of our time together. We spanked with an intensity and abandon that was Titanic (and probably not prudent). We literally whipped the hide off my ass. It set a bar that probably should not be the one against which I mentally measure myself nowadays -- but I do and always will remember those wild months.
He, (older and wiser, perhaps?) assures me that we simply must bow to the fact that we are not 20 and 26 years old, but rather 50 and 56 -- that there are physiological realities that accompany this chronological fact. Boy does that suck, Sir! He tells me that He is more than satisfied with me, but no longer driven by that same hunger and deprivation that fueled that wild orgy of three years ago. We'll still spank, and as He heals, the intensity level will come back -- fear not... Still, there will be a need to allow me to go through post session healing and it simply takes the time it takes. Fact and reality. Age is what it is.
And He wonders if I'll follow where He'll take me? I don't know what that might mean. I don't know, where besides this place, far across a continent, He intends to take me next. I've followed as well as I know how, thus far. I'm sure there are further journeys for me and us to make. I will do what I can to follow as best I can...
swan Link
posted by Sue @ 2:04 PM
5 comments
5 Comments:
We will certainly play and we will play with an intensity that is worthy of our passion and our love. There is a post here in the archives about our scene the first night of Ohio Leather Fest two years ago, in which Sue recounts a memorable scene that created a "peak experience" for us both (In The Dungeon at OLF, June, 2005.)
What she didn't mention was that our play was so intense that afterwards more experienced plyers who complimented us on our scene, told us that quite a few of the typical conference first timers and newbies were literally begging the dungeon monitors to intervene in our scene alomost in tears saying, "my god you have to do something, he's really beating her!" They told them that this was a practice called BDSM and that we were experienced players, and that we were both "enjoying" ourselves. Sue "marched" the cross she was restrained too half way across the dungeon that night under my lash. When we finished and she was released we realized we had become the center of attention. She was nude except for her cuffs, collar, and ankle cuffs as she walked (well floated.....she was amazingly sub-spaced:) into the crowd. As she walked and I followed her the crowd parted and most folks seemed to look at us in awe or perhaps for some it was fear. We are passionate and we love our BDSM.
We cannot continue as we have. We have played with a frequency that has left a place on Sue's bottom so fragile that it bleeds each time we play, even if we play moderately. We need to heal more between sessions. We will.
I determine how we play and when we play and how we discipline and when that occurs as well.
It is not because I want you less or love you less that I moderate the frequency of our BDSM play. It is because I love you so much and because I want to continue to have you that we must change.
I know you are concerned that this means that you are not "as attractive" to me or that I will tire of you. I tell you what I feel honestly. I always have. I still am. I love you. You are mine always and all ways. That will not change.
I know too you fear that I fantasize about younger women. I do, almost continually:) If I get the opportunity to initiate a sorority pledge class (my favorite fantasy:)you'd better bet I will:) and you and T will assist me. I may have opportunities to play with others. Most likely I will avail myself of those. I do not know if those would result in emotional connections which would be more than transient. It doesn't seem likely to me but who can see the future. Neither of us sought the bond you and I formed with each other, and the changes it created for us all. But it happened.
I know this. You are my swan. You are my slave. I love you. You are mine. I want no one else but you and T.
I love you:)
Mine always and all ways:)
Tom
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined.
I sincerely enjoy reading your writings... thanks for sharing.
Nice writing by Tom there, glad to read it.
Tom and swan, tops also get older, it may effect the quantity of the play but not the quality. At 70+ I can no longer play or indeed love the way I used to, but whatever I do it is the very best that I can.
You both make lots of sense, remember everyone, whether in our lifesyle or not goes through this situation, persevere and come out stronger, give up and lose everything, I doubt that either of you will do that.
Remember love grows. the the more you give the more you have.
I'm sure that wherever you both end it will be better than where you are now.
Both your posts as usual are excellent, thanks for sharing. Paul
The realities of life, at any age really, often interfere with what I would like to be doing. I hate that.
But that is a trite way to put what you are trying to say, and I feel the longing and desire in you both. I wonder how we humans have made it this far given just how much we hate change.
Oh, and this is NOT a judgement but a note--I find it really interesting to see how jealousy plays out between you. I really appreciate your honest explorations, because it helps me understand myself better (and my own desires/limitations). Thanks!
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