All Our Starts Are Good Starts

I'd thought about responding to swan's previous blog post "Tough Start" here, but had eschewed the idea, feeling I had responded in person. It seems to me, as I read further here, that I've failed to communicate. I feel like I've been caught up in a critical scene from "Cool Hand Luke:)."

sue you have cared for me to an exceptional degree of excellence for the last three and a half weeks. This began prior to my surgery with your helping me deal through my terrors as this surgery which I'd dreaded, and delayed, for a decade approached. Your care included helping with T to hold pans under me as I puked repaetedly in reaction to the morphine I needed to get through the immediate post-surgical pain. It included (you and T taking turns) punching my morphine button on my PCA unit every 6 mintues as I commanded you to despite harassment from my nurses. It included holding my urinal at night when I got home and my knee was too stiff and painful to make it to the bathroom, and adding new ice all night to my "cooling system" (a perverse sort of thermal bondage system we finally figutred out was an insurance scam the orthopedic medical community has bought into hook, line, and sinker:(.

You helped me do my initial, horrific PT sessions; as you help me continue them today. When my leg not only hurt terribly, but I freaked out because it would not respond and acted like it was paralyzed, you held me while I cried and comforted me and told me it would get better. You were right. You can't know how much that means.

You have fetched my back scratcher a thousand times I think, and gotten my so many pops and coffees and pain pills and sandwiches and towels and...........

You have pushed my leg up into flexion when I've needed it no matter how it hurt (you and me both). You've then supported me through the healing.

You've rejoiced as they've told me routinely that we are 2 weeks ahead of schedule in my rehab. Part of that is certainly my willingness to work and to hurt and go on. Much of it I could never do If it wasn't for you holding me, and not over reacting when I do hurt, and then smothering me with support when I break down........which I have not done often.......but which I have done.

I could have had no better slave. You have been supported by your sister, T who has done all she could for us both, but who, too, had to go back to work to maintain our economic reality.

We are struggling now to return to sexual, D/s, and SM reality. I have no trouble returning to active Dominance with you. I am your Master and while that role has been dormant for the last three and a half weeks, I have never left that role in my soul. You are mine and you have been mine without fail throughout this time.

I love you. I cherish you. You are MINE. You will recover your orientation as a bottom (which has not been without struggle for sometime anyway.)

sue, if you are not spanked for two weeks you are frustrated. If then you are spanked two days in a row you are traumatized. This is not a fault in your orientation as a masochist or slave. It is the result that our play is extreme and hurts.

I love it when we play and you love it. I love it too when you struggle. I love it too when you suffer.

There never has been a Master more well served!

I will not tolerate your denigrating yourself. You may share your feelings honestly and openly. You may tell me you don't feel sexy or attractive and we will deal with it. You may not tell me you are not sexy or attractive. You may tell me you feel you are not a good slave. You will not tell me you are not a good slave.........or if so, I bet you will not do it more than once. More importantly you will not tell yourself that.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

Thank you is inadequate to express my gratitude.

Tom

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined,

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