Howling
We sort of snuck up on it yesterday.
I was suffering from a bit of "end of the school year" drop I think -- feeling a little moody and sort of blue.
We'd spanked some in the early morning, although not a lot. I wasn't really "into it," and I let Him know that, although, of course, I submitted to what He chose to give me. I think He was pretty gentle with me, knowing I was struggling, although not certain what the struggle was exactly. I tend to show the emotions even when I don't verbalize them. Paddling simply brings them to the surface and causes them to be shown physically, and while I won't act on the angers and frustrations that can bubble out, I will manifest those feelings in physical ways that He has learned to read.
When that was done, we got ready for sex, which for us, necessitates the installation of the "evil" diaphragm. The doctor that fitted me for the damn thing was quite amused actually. He was pretty darn sure that the odds were that I would not be getting "preggers" at my ADVANCED age. However, neither of us are willing to risk taking a chance on our chances that we won't "get lucky" at this age. So we are conscientious about our birth control practice. Still, getting it ready and in place is not what one can consider a romantic interlude, and following the already difficult SM session ahead of it, I was hardly feeling "sexy" or romantic when we started in... Then to top it all off, this was one of those times when Himself had "trouble," to put it delicately. I rode Him for what seemed like an hour -- it might well have been nearly that long for all I know. I do know that when He finally came (explosively and happily at last), I was drenched in sweat, panting, and exhausted. I told Him later that I was beginning to think that, if He didn't cum soon, I was going to have to just put a pillow over His face, and explain it to the coroner later... Way too tired at that point to do anything about me... And besides we were both starving for breakfast -- time to start the coffee.
Later in the afternoon, we decided to see if we couldn't rectify the imbalance. We've pretty well given up on the hope of vaginal fisting. It just seems too difficult anymore. Hormonal shifts seem to have taken away the lubrication and tissue elasticity that is needed. So we've resigned ourselves to some pretty intense and high-end digital penetration and I've waved good-bye in the rear-view mirror to those glorious, mind-bending orgasms... We poured out a bucket full of lubricant and went after things, starting out slowly. We are trying to learn our way around this whole new body and it is a mystery to us both. Taking a lot more communication. I am having to stay with it a lot more and remember to tell Him what is good and what is not, and He's having to learn to read my responses and listen to what I'm telling Him way more. It is slow going, but we're determined to weather this perimenopause trip together.
So we rocked away and stroked and swam in a sea of lube... Wasn't long and I was humming and moving to a rhythm that He established with every thrust. Soon enough, I was crying for more... more... Uncertain at first, Master asked if I wanted Him to try and push all the way in?
Yes, I told Him. He tried to push past the inner ring of muscle, but encountered resistance and backed off. He told me it was too tight and that He was afraid He'd hurt me. We went back to the primal rhythms we'd found earlier. I was beginning to roar with the tides. And then, I think He felt the change. Maybe something opened. I don't know, but He moved and suddenly He was there. Past the barrier and all the way inside me.
I howled in surprise and fury and terror and joy. We stopped together at the top of the summit, poised for the drop into the roller coaster ride that is fisting. Once the initial shock of full insertion is over, the amazement starts.
I don't usually remember a lot of the details, and that is true about yesterday. I remember Him quieting me several times. I think that I howled or growled or roared with the wild sensations He was causing. Mostly, I gripped Him and rode. Mostly I rejoiced in the pure animal ecstasy of it... Until I couldn't do it anymore. Until I asked Him to let me go, slowly -- please...
And then sobbed and laughed and hugged Him in utter joy...
swan Link
posted by Sue @ 2:00 PM
4 comments
4 Comments:
searabbit,
We used to fist probably 4 or 5 times a week. I, like you, am "in love" with the feelings this most intense and intimate sort of love-making evokes. I have giggled and laughed and squirmed and sung -- a "hand puppet" at the end of Master's arm more times than I can count, and those have been moments of utter joy and wonder. I have mourned the loss of my ability to accommodate it easily and well, and been panicked about perhaps not being able to do it ever again. To find our way to it again is a great wonder for us both. Thank you for your kind words.
swan
kaylem,
I have never been seriously hurt during fisting. Never.
We approach it very carefully, and Master has much experience with it. He has had relationships with others, before me, with whom He enjoyed fisting, and so, for Him, it was not new, as it was for me when we started into it...
I first witnessed it at a demo by Deborah Addington at Ohio Leather Fest. I saw her do a fisting there. The room was absolutely packed and I was standing in the back because there was no seating left. You could have heard a pin drop. I was so amazed and turned on that I thought my legs would not support me through the whole thing. Her book, "A Hand in the Bush" is probably the best you can find as far as a reliable source of good information about vaginal fisting. If you get hold of it, you will find that, contrary to most people's perceptions, fisting does not involve ramming the fist into the vagina. I am reluctant to get into technical instruction here, because there are far better sources, but the process involves a far more gentle approach. One starts with insertion of one finger then two then three, and so on... eventually the thumb is tucked under the fingers to form a "duck" as if making a sort of shadow puppet. It is this duck shape that makes the approach to the insertion. The actual fist does not occur until the hand is inside the final muscle ring past the knuckles -- only then, when the whole hand is completely enveloped, does the fister roll the hand up into the balled fist and, depending on the tolerance of the partner, begin making whatever movements are tolerated...
Master is most careful about "hygiene." He always makes sure His nails are trimmed extremely close before we start, and He always washes immediately beforehand with antibacterial soap. Too, He is insane about using LOTS of lube -- LOTS!!!! You will find that people recommend expensive lubes like Astroglide, but we've found that there's a fairly inexpensive "house brand" knock-off version of KY Jelly that works just great for us, and He basically uses it by the handful. I am really not exaggerating that either. It is "gross" but there is really no such thing as too much lube for this activity. We have just gotten used to the idea that we'll be swimming in the stuff...
Most women can fist successfully. T has some "structural" issues and cannot do it. Master claims that I am not particularly "large" (in spite of my height) and I accommodate pretty well once we get there. Some say that having had children makes it easier. That may be true. Most important, I suspect is going slowly, especially in the beginning. I know that when we were first attempting it, back before we were even living here together, we made a number of attempts that did not end in full penetration before we actually "succeeded." Patience, knowledge, and trust are the keys always.
One other thing that occurs to me -- there is, for me, always the moment when He first breaches the final barrier of muscle ring, when I am stunned and shocked and freaked out. In that moment, the feeling is so intense that I am inclined to interpret the sensation as PAIN!!! It needs a few moments for me to overcome the urge to run, and understand that it is merely incredibly intense. If I can ride that instant out, and remain with it -- still -- we are OK and on our way... There is simply nothing that I have ever experienced like that very first moment...
I hope, if you get your chance, kaylem, that you and Gabriel will find as much utter joy in fisting as we have.
swan
there are times that you can only get to what you really want to be by ceasing sriving... sometimes what we want too much eludes us when we pursue it too doggedly.
...then when we give up... it surprises us.
I wonder if we will ever try this ...
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