Trust
Is trust something that is felt, or something that is done?
Is it passive, or active?
A given, or a choice?
swan Link
posted by Sue @ 7:18 AM
12 comments
The Swan's Heart
We are a fMf, heterosexual, fidelitous, polyamorous triad that is founded on principles and practices of erotic power exchange (BDSM). Writers on these pages inclued: The Heretic (a Dominant, and sadist), swan (a masochist and slave, owned by The Heretic), and t (wife to The Heretic, and sister-heart to swan). If you read, you'll get to know our family, and our lives. If you are too young to read about sex and spanking and other BDSM-related interests, click "Next Blog."
Thursday, October 27, 2005
Is it passive, or active?
A given, or a choice?
swan Link
12 Comments:
swan, as I see it trust has to be an active choice. It also has to be two way, my submissive partner gave me her trust, the greatest gift that she could give me, in return I trusted her to let me know if I was fulfilling her needs.
Honesty is the foundation of trust
It has to be done, so it cannot be passive.
Am I making sense?
Hugs.
Paul.
Paul, yes you are making sense. That is feeling more and more like my experience -- that trust is something I DO, not something that simply is or that I just feel or have to give. In these days, it is feeling like a very active choice I am making -- an exercise of sorts, and not merely some sweet gift of the fairies.
swan
I swear swan, ohhhh say that ten times really fast, sometimes I get nothing done after I stop by here.
First, off to dictionary.com I went, then to the encyclopedia, then to google and along the way I clicked and read each and every link each source provided. Then time spent on each meaning and how they applied in my life, then a consideration of what I thought of each meanning and then finally, back here to tell you I have gotten nothing concrete done, and to thank you for the food for thought.
magdala~
magdala, I almost want to apologize for setting you off with such a tizzy of work, but then if you found it thought provoking -- perhaps, I don't feel bad for having shared my own puzzling...
jewels, I wonder if we are talking about "trust" in the same sense linguistically. I have the feeling you are speaking of it as some "thing" to be given or shared. Trust as noun. Right now, I am much more preoccupied with the business of trust as a "verb?" If, in fact, there really is such a thing. But I can manage the grammatical construct "to trust," so there must be a verb form of the word...
Hence, I am interested in trust as a practice one engages in moreso than I am in something that can be broken or damaged (as we are inclined to speak of trust). I don't worry that someone might break my "meditation" practice for instance. I want to know if I could get skilled enough in my practice of trust, that it would be that solid...
swan
Your link goes back to your blog entry, did you mean to post another link?
I am trust-impaired or something. It is something I have to work on within my relationship. I'm looking forward to further discussion about it.
no, 'nilla. That "Link" thing is a phantom blogger artifact that I'm sure I caused but it is entirely unintentional on my part. Pay no attention to it... It cannot be "trusted." Arrrggghhhhh!
swan
My opinion?
Trust, like love, is a done thing. I feel things for my parnter, trust and love among them.
But trust and love extinguish without constant effort on the parties invovled.
Trust is born a feeling, but dies an inaction.
I tend to percieve of trust in the same way that I percieve of an investment...
I wish I could come up with a better paradigm for it as, from my anti-capitalist perspective, the term is fairly loaded, but the fact remains that it works remarkably well as a metaphor.
algor -- OK... investment. I wish you would say MORE about that. I think I might have the glimmer of understanding what you are going after with the metaphor. But I'm reaching in my own thinking here anyway, so scaffold for me if you would -- please? If you have time and energy (and I do read enough on your side to know those are at a premium, so there's no demand there...)
swan
I trust this is a "your opinion requested" question. heh, sorry, couldn't resist.
It is felt and it is done. To trust is to feel confidence in an outcome not yet proven. Hence my little poke above. I don't know for sure the answer, but I believe it to be so. I feel that is what you are asking. By sharing that with you it becomes active.
Argh! I am not doing this well. It is passive and it is active. You feel it and you do it. I feel it and I extend it to another or in a situation.
*sigh*
A choice, not a given. Always a choice. It cannot be a given or the outcome would already be known and that is not trust, that is fact. A choice because the choice is made to depend upon the unknown outcome rather than doubt it.
My two cents worth. Worth exactly two cents. Maybe I need more coffee to clear the cobwebs. Sorry.
magdala~
Trust is a two way process.<- -> On a basic level, one person giving and the other receiving - although, usually it's reciprocated...
Trust is something both FELT and DONE. Firstly, trust is learnt. A newborn with no concept of trust (no object permanence) will demand blindly. The newborn cannot trust since they cannot reason. They have no concept of future, but live in the eternal present... The small infant will LEARN to trust. Once they have established that objects (such as parents) don't merely cease to exist, when they walk out the room, they will establish a close bond and trust. Such a trust is FELT by the child as the parents become their world. It is also something that is DONE by the parents, albeit indirectly to reinforce the FEELING in their child.
Mistrust can be both ACTIVE and PASSIVE... trust can only be PASSIVE...
ACTIVELY you can display acts of mistrust by becoming obsessive. Such acts of behaviour may result in stalking, or other obsessions such as constant mistrust in their partners affairs... Mistrust, may also be PASSIVE. You may have good reason not to trust someone from a past experience, without displaying negative behaviour. You cannot ACTIVELY display trust. Trust is usually realized after a period of time. With steady, constant, sometimes even mundain repetative behaviour...
If you are in a relationship with a trustworthy person, they are not actively GIVING you this trust. It is there - part of their persona. The CHOICE is whether you abuse this trust by being untrustworthy yourself. Or by not trusting them as a result of some past experience...
C
i know that this is an old posting of yours swan (i am just getting caught up) but realized you and are thinking along the same lines, just about a month apart... (see http://hisone.wordpress.com/2006/11/22/faith-or-trust/)
i am so glad to find another who seems to be more like me the more i read. i thought i was a bit off kilter. Thank you for sharing swan!
His one
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