Grim
I'm depressed.
I'm sad.
I'm lost.
It feels as if the grayness that is outside on this cold and rainy day is inside of me as well.
I know that part of it is the unending string of trouble and difficulty and crises that seem to dog us, one after the other. Still, the rational, logical part of my brain says that we are together and lucky to be so. No one has died or is about to. Still, I am worn out, and grumpy, and pissed off.
And, if you read here for spanking stuff, you don't get much. That's because we don't do it much. But even if we did, the fact is that I SUCK at it. I've just flat gotten wimpy. So, He doesn't play with me. Why would He? I'm no fun. Not for someone who wants a real bottom to play with sadistically. He loves me, so He keeps on trying to make do, but He also keeps edging toward wishing for someone who could go where I used to be able to go...
I am heartbroken and terrified...
There's a new paddle. Came in the mail yesterday. He ordered it. Scares the shit out of me. I saw it when it came out of the box. Couldn't look at it. Went into a house-cleaning frenzy so I didn't have to think about it and so He couldn't see my face or my terror. And today I am scared out of my mind and nuts.
And we are as far apart as we have ever been. The weekend is coming and I don't even want to go home.
Everything is upside down. Everything is broken. I am broken.
swan Link
posted by Sue @ 8:43 AM
2 comments
2 Comments:
I'm sorry, sue.
I think I have specifically pointed you towards EFT before now. You must have noticed it from reading my blog. Have you tried it? No, you haven't.
I SERIOUSLY suggest you investigate it, learn the basics with Tom and use it on each other. This technique works and is easy to learn. If I read that you are still in the dumps three days from now and haven't listened to my advice, I shall know you really want to stay down. This is the link.
Here is one of the stories. You can download the free, very comprehensive instruction manual and follow the simple directions. Don't ask me why it works, I can't explain it even to myself - and I'm one of those people who always want to know how things work.
Email or IM me and I will be happy to see you through the basic technique.
Malcolm, I HAVE looked at this site as you have suggested before. Read through it quite thoroughly, in fact. I admit I am reluctant to try it because, to be honest, I find the fellow who started it to be "off putting." Perhaps I will get there, but not now. Not yet. What goes on with me is about Dominance and submission and the cycles of that in my life. I know this. Have lived with it for many years -- at least the arid side of the cycle. We will work this out. I know the grim darkness of this worries you. For that I am sorry. I do appreciate your concern and your friendship.
swan
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