Temper Tantrum Brewing

I didn't get the result that I wanted from the surgery. My uterus is too big, and the doctor was unable to get a "seal" with the equipment, so was not able to do the ablation. It is a safety feature, apparently, of the "Novasure" system -- no seal, and it simply will not fire. So, she did the D&C, and left it at that. That may get me a couple of months of relief and then, most likely, I'll be back to the same old story. I've got a post-surgical follow up appointment in a couple of weeks, and we'll discuss "Plan B" at that time...

Her recommended "Plan B," I already know, from talking with her previously, is going to be hysterectomy. Seems like everybody, but me, thinks I'm foolish to want to hold on to the old uterus. After all, what the hell good is the darned thing? I'm definitely not planning on birthing anymore babies, although given the size of the thing, I could I suppose start cranking out entire bowling teams in one fell swoop. The blood tests show that I'm nowhere near menopause, so waiting this out isn't necessarily a good option.

It's just that I get something out of having it there (at least I believe I do). Orgasmically. The waves of sensation carry up into that big muscle and, well it is big and powerful and strong. I know that The Heretic mentioned that to the doctor yesterday after the surgery when she talked about the less than successful outcome with Him. She expressed to Him that it was very rare for women to have any uterine sensation during orgasm -- of course she'd just told Him that I was in the 100th percentile in terms of size of uterine cavity too... go figure. So maybe I'm imagining things, but if it turns out I'm right, can they glue it back in after the fact? No. I don't think so. Once it is gone, I'm just shit out of luck.

But hey, I won't have periods anymore!

And then there's vaginal fisting. I've liked to do that too (although I've had some trouble with it here lately). Now I've read that it is possible to relearn how to do it after some kinds of hysterectomy surgery -- if they leave enough space. Of course there's not the same kind of sensation at the top of the vaginal canal, so you have to do other kinds of stimulation to achieve the same kinds of responses. And there's more risk because well, the top of the vaginal canal (where they close it off) is more prone to perforation and tearing than it was when there was a uterus and a cervix there to bump up against. Could take as much as a year to be healed up enough to tackle this... and even then, go slow and work up to it gradually... Good grief...

But hey, I won't have any more periods!

If we do this, it would have to be June. Right after school is out. So that I can heal up in time to be up and about for The Heretic's knee replacement in July. Five months. Decide.
Nobody's fault. Nothing anyone can do. I don't have to choose this. Can say no. Go on and do nothing. There's some guy out there selling "natural progesterone" oil as a surefire cure for fibroids. What the heck? Why not? Can he save me I wonder? I feel like I've got 5 months to live.

I want to cry. I want to scream and yell and throw things. Except there's no one to throw them at. I'm furious and there's no one to be furious with.

swan