Giving in

I think I know part of the key to my problem with the eroticism "gap" I've been experiencing in our SM life.

Caught a glimpse of it the other day.

We were "playing." A different sort of session than has been our norm lately. Different implements. More straps, more leather -- and in the midst of the pain, more sensuous stuff.

I caught myself starting to follow His touch and His caress into the sheer pleasure of it all and then all of a sudden, I was afraid. Afraid to let myself go into that place of being turned on and lost in the pleasures. And in that moment of fear, it evaporated.

I've gotten focused on getting through the pain. Been completely fixated on the discipline needed to stay in place and manage, stay with, handle the pain, and follow all the rules. In putting all my energy and all my focus there, I've lost the linkage to the other side and withheld that side of my submission.

I've got to take the risk to give in to the pleasures as well as the pain.

swan