Meanderings

Somedays it seems my mind just won't settle anywhere. It just flits around from place to place, drifting here and there, picking up bits and pieces of thoughts and images, and turning them over, and then putting them down again. I just can't seem to feel solid or serious or deep today.

He obviously reads what I write here -- and hears with a heart that is as bound in some ways as mine is. There was much stroking and touching last night on skin that had hungered for that touch for a very long time. Like water poured out on the desert.

A good spanking and paddling, too. Had been awhile and I fussed and struggled and wailed. Of course.

Fucking like sixteen year olds afterwards. We needed the connecting. All of it. The stresses of our days can pull at us, and it is good to come flying back into one another's arms. Pure, simple, honest, human animal contact. No place there to misunderstand.

Slept soundly then. First time in days that I haven't been awake through some bit of the night worrying and fretting about me or Him or T or us in some configuration or another. Oh, I had to get up and switch off the TV in the middle of the night and retrieve his knife from the bed, but that's another story altogether... Still, I rested, warm and serene, tucked into the crook of his arm all night...

...Even though I don't have my Christmas tree completely down yet... It is still standing there, half-dressed, pitiful and pathetic looking in my living room.

...Even though I haven't done anything for the dual birthday event of my mother and my daughter that occurs this Friday. Oh dang! That's going to be late I guess. Mother will be crabby, but what else is new? Daughter will be glad to get whatever, whenever -- especially if it is cash. But then, she understands, deep down that I love her dearly (and that I am truly a flake).

...Even though my housekeeping seems to have just gone all to hell and I can't seem to get it back in line to save me.

...Even though I sometimes get scared and wonder what would happen to me if the Heretic were to die. What would an old "slave" like me do then? T and I are sisters who share a husband, but I wonder what we would do if that husband were not here between us anymore. That's the sort of "monster in the closet" stuff I keep for nights when I want to be up ALL night long.

...Even though I know there's a trip to the stocks for a single-tail session looming in the not too distant future, and that it may even be up to me to pick the date for that to occur.

...Even though there's one of my kiddos who is being raised (through no fault of his own -- poor darling) by evil Republicans, who is just continually baiting me with right-wing, bull-shit, propaganda as the time for the inauguration of Bush draws near.

Even though there are the usual money worries and tax time drawing closer and on and on and on...

Still, last night was good, very good -- and I would have given anything to have stayed curled right there this morning.

swan