I hate paddles!

We had a nice afternoon, really. This is a week where He and I have the luxury of time with my break from school and with His office closed for the holidays. So there was some quiet time in the warm sunny afternoon to snuggle into one another's arms and just be lovey.

But then, inevitably, it was time for a spanking...and a paddling. He's indulged me for days now and not paddled me, choosing straps and the cane instead. Today, there was no such out. He did do me the favor of a nice long, hard hand spanking ahead of the paddle. I found I couldn't relax and enjoy the warm up hand spanking because I knew what was coming. The dread overshadowed the pleasure that might have otherwise derived from that hand spanking. But that was my fault. Not His.

Too soon, that paddle was there, waiting for me to kiss it and ask for Him to please paddle me. Training and habit hold and work. Ingrained behaviors serve. In my mind, I began the mantra which carries me through the worst of these times -- "Yours always and all ways. Yours always and all ways. Yours always and all ways..." Over and over and over, trying to drown out the shrieking wail that rises up in my mind: "I HATE PADDLES!!!!!"

I held the position. Stayed. Eventually, no matter how I despair in the midst of it, paddlings do end. His hand came back and after the harshness of the wood, it seemed almost soothing and sweet.

I sobbed afterwards in His embrace, and finally calmed enough to make love and find my own release and soar with Him as well. We had a nice afternoon, really.

swan