Talking about the Terri Schiavo story...

So much going on, it is hard to know where to start. Or what to talk about.

Everywhere one tunes on television and radio these last days is talk of Terri Schiavo, her family, her medical condition, the politics around her case, the religious storm and fury whipped up around the tradgedy of her situation. Life and death ethical dilemmas without answers that can be reached with any certain surety except in the depths of the singular human soul. There is a deep sadness in me when I think about what has happened to her, what did happen to her, what has continued to happen to her, and how and why. There is fear for me and for us, because there are, while not exactly parallels, places that touch, almost. And the questions that those who would tromp around in the lives of these people without knowing them, and make judgments, and decisions then, based on those judgments, could as easily (more easily) be asked of me and of us. Because, the questions of "what is life?" and "what makes it worth living?" and "when is it time to decide to let it go?" and "who gets to make that decision?" are all at the heart of what it means to BE a human being. If I (or any one of us) cannot with some surety have the right to those determinations, then how truly "sacred" is this thing called life? I know that, when all this hoopla first began, there were some difficult moments between The Heretic and I. He looked at the videos of Terri Schiavo and saw the image of one who very much resembles the people He fights for every single day, and to Him, the question of ending Her life became very generalized very quickly: "If we can pull her feeding tube, why not for all of the others just like her?" I didn't have an answer then, I'm not sure I do now. All I know is that MY life, should it alter that radically from what it is now, to something resembling what I have observed on my television screen these last few days, would not be a life that I would value or choose to continue, and it would be my wish that those who love me would allow me to die (as peacefully as possible) if that should be my fate. What He has fought for as a disability advocate for so many years is the right to "self-determination." Now, I, as the one that He owns, have laid in front of Him the ultimate demand of self-determination. And, I have asked Him if I can trust Him with that should it come to it, because I know it is a difficult leap for Him, given what His life's work has been... but I have no one else that I can trust with that at the end of my life. My mother and my siblings might very well act even as Terri Schiavo's have, treating me as some "object" to keep penned up somewhere, captive to their whims and wills. It is also true that the courts and the media and the "religious folk" everywhere would look at US and wonder what sort of people we are and wonder if He is really a BAD man who could not possibly have my best interests at heart. Just like Michael Schiavo, the question of SEX and INFIDELITY could be brought out to prove that my interests were not being served by decisions made by my dear Master. After all, in this country, we all know that people who engage in sex outside of church sanctioned marriages are necessarily bad people... Sigh.

So that has been a weight on the mind and a gigantic elephant following us from room to room these days. But it is not just me and my tendency to fuss and worry... Mortality confronts us everywhere. He, in preparation for His upcoming biopsies saw His primary care physician. Careful fellow that this doc is, the recommendation was made that Master get an EKG. The EKG came back and raised some concerns, so then we had some stress tests done, and those, in turn showed a lack of sufficient blood flow to the lower half of His heart. So, now, on April 8, He will have a cardiac cateterization to determine just what the heck is going on. No biopsies until then. No anesthesia allowed (determination of what is going on in the nether parts will simply have to wait). If there are blockages that are causing the problem, then likely the cardiologist will do an angioplasty and that will take care of it. If not... then things get way more serious depending on what the problem is really...

And then T, started in coughing and coughing and coughing. She kept maintaining that it is just the same old thing that she gets every year at this time, but it kept getting worse and worse until finally she lost her voice and called the doctor. Again the very careful doctor, sent her for a chest X-ray, to rule out pneumonia. She was diagnosed with bronchitis and given some prescriptions for antibiotics and cough syrup and sent home. Then, a couple days later, came the phone call -- a shadow on the X-ray (lower part of the lung) -- get to the hospital for a CT scan. That was last Friday. We are waiting for those results now.

Hearts and lungs... Oh my.

swan