Just lots of stuff

The best of news first: T's CT scan results came back, and the shadow on the X-ray was a shadow. Just a shadow! Nothing more. Standing with your back to the sun. Turn around. It's a shadow!!!!!!!!! Hooray! She called and told The Heretic, and He called me, and with the news ringing in my ears, I could only gasp and smile like a fool, and almost giggle -- we were all just giddy with the relief of it all...

Dreaming over the weekend, I had the oddest mix of images. Cleo, the wonder cat, who shares my life, and is the queen of the household starred prominently. Then there was Smoky, the once upon a time household dog, who has been dead for probably 6 or 7 year, and who was part german shepherd and part coyote. We called her the coyote and loved her dearly. She was an amazing critter. And my mother who has always been most difficult, and with whom I have struggled to draw reasonable lines but remain appropriately "filial." I dreamed myself in some sort of showplace where there were luxurious carpets and quilts and opulent fabrics for sale. The place was richly paneled and the textiles were deeply and richly colored, the walls and floors were a kaleidoscope of brilliant hues. Cleo, the wonder cat, was there and was having "cat races." If you've ever lived with a cat, you know the sort of behavior I'm talking about. Cats do this. They take off suddenly and race madly about the room as if they were in the Olympics and the Gold medal were on the line. What was interesting was that as Cleo ran, she changed colors from her normal black and white, to match the jewel-toned colors of the carpets and quilts over which she ran. Fascinating.
The next thing I knew, my mother had Cleo and Smoky on leashes outdoors. Now, however, both animals were golden colored. Mother had them at the edge of a rectangular shaped pond and was leading them into the water. I shouted at her not to go but she didn't listen to me. With the cat on one side and the dog on the other, Mother walked into the pond which got deeper and deeper as she walked further and further. I ran frantically along the long side of the rectangle, and she walked with both of the golden animals swimming down the center of the water filled rectangle. I reached the end and turned the corner, thinking maybe I could pull them all out, but all I could find were empty leashes floating on the surface of the pond... No Mother, no cat, no dog. Gone. All of them. I ran back and forth at the edge, calling and calling, and could not find them.

I remember that this dream was followed by a second dream which was very clearly about my mother's death. I don't remember the details of that one, but I do remember waking feeling quite sure that my phone would ring and I would be told that she was dead. I was very distressed by this and waited fitfully for the hours to pass until I could reasonably call across the country and actually talk to my Mother, who was just fine. Still, the vivid colors and images of the dream remain and I wonder what, if anything all that was about.

Master seems to be very preoccupied with restraints these days. Cuffs that can be attached to a collar. Leather horse hobbles. Ways to strap me up, tie me down, keep me in place. This is new. I am unsure. Part of me wants to be even more strictly restrained than this. Held in place so that I can't move at all. He tends toward things that will still require me to stay put at some level. I am wishing for the days when I was tied on our futon and unable to wiggle away. Still we are on a similar wavelength -- and the incision still aches.

And then there is the occasional mention of figging. Not sure what to think of that...

swan