Polyamory -- our way

That last post generated some questions about polyamory. Some of them we made efforts to answer in responses in the comments window, but maybe it is time to be a little more explanatory here.

We practice polyamory. It is a word coined to connote "many loves." It is not polygamy, polygyny, or polyandry -- all words that describe marriages between multiple spouses in various combinations (and all illegal in the US). Often too, polyamory is equated with "swinging" which is a more casual and social practice of engaging in deliberate sexual relating between multiple partners. There are frequent "debates" and discussions in the polyamory community about whether swinging is a "legitimate" form of polyamory. I think whatever consenting adults do that enhances their lives and the lives of their families, is "legitimate." We are not swingers. If others are then I honor their choice.

Polyamory is about honest, loving relationships between multiple, consenting partners who understand that the religious and social limits that insist that there must be only one love for each person is not a TRUTH that has to define the reality for all of us. Polyamorous relationships may be found in many different forms, and those who participate in them describe those relationships in many different ways. In poly circles, there are relationships that call themselves triads, quads, clans, tribes, families, webs, nets, etc. Some groups talk about primary, secondary and tertiary relationships. Some poly relationships involve bisexuality, some are gay/lesbian, and others are heterosexual. There are wide variations in the kinds of living arrangements that groups create for themselves. Some poly relationships are very fluid and others are stable over many many years. There are poly relationships that include parents who are raising young children and adolescents, others are made up of adults and do not involve children. There are no "typical" polyamorous relationships. Obviously, there is no legal or social recognition for what it is that we do. We live in a society that misunderstands, and often, is openly hostile to our life choice.

Our family is a fMf, heterosexual, fidelitous, BDSM, intentional family, triad-V, with Master as the "hinge." T and I interact "sexually" with Him and not with each other (we just aren't wired that way). Master and T are "legally" married. I am not married to Master. We use the term "wife," when we apply it to me, loosely. More often T and I refer to each other as "spice" (the plural of mouse is mice therefore the plural of spouse is.....:) We maintain two separate addresses with separate mortgages, separate bank accounts, pay our taxes separately, have our own car loans, etc. In all the "legal" ways, we are "not married," and understand that we cannot and will not be. That is not our wish, not our desire -- it is the law and the constraint put upon us by the culture and the society. We live within the limits of the law. However, inside our homes, behind our closed doors, and more importantly within our hearts where the law cannot reach... love makes more love.

swan